Broadcasting live from the digital big top, where the pies are plentiful and the bullets are rubber (we hope).

🎤 Anchors: Andy Banks & Dan Howard

Andy Banks: Good evening, Earth Empires enthusiasts! I'm Andy Banks, your ringmaster of ridicule.

Dan Howard: And I'm Dan Howard, the jester juggling jabs and jests. Together, we bring you the latest from the most chaotic alliance in the game: Clowns With Guns (CWG).

🎯 Top Story: CWG's Solo Circus Act

Andy: In a move that surprises no one, CWG continues its one-man show, ranking 14th out of 18 in total net worth.

Dan: With a net worth of just over $2 million, they're proving that size doesn't matter—especially when you're the only clown in the car.

💥 War Declarations: A Blast from the Past

Andy: Remember when CWG declared war on everyone because their tent was messy and their brownies were gone? Classic clown antics!


Dan: Ah, the good old days of 2013. Nothing says "diplomacy" like blaming SOL for everything and launching pies at random.

📰 Special Report by Heather Crysania: "Clowns with Guns" Make a Triumphant Return

In a shocking twist that has left the Earth Empires community in stitches, the notorious alliance "Clowns with Guns" (CWG) has reemerged from the digital shadows. Once thought to be a relic of the past, CWG is back with a vengeance, armed with virtual pies and an arsenal of humor.

Their return was marked by a series of unexpected invasions, leaving other alliances scrambling to defend their territories. One bewildered alliance leader was overheard saying, "We were prepared for war, but not for this level of slapstick."
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CWG's resurgence has been met with a mix of admiration and exasperation. As one veteran player noted, "Just when you think the game couldn't get any crazier, CWG pulls a banana peel out of their hat."
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🌦️ Weather Report with Farmer: Forecasting the Storm of Laughter

"Howdy, folks! This is Farmer, your down-home weatherman, bringing you the latest on the climate of chaos sweeping through Earth Empires.

Expect a high-pressure system of hilarity moving in from the northwest, courtesy of CWG's antics. Temperatures are rising as alliances heat up their defenses, but don't forget to carry an umbrella—there's a 90% chance of falling pies.
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In the southern regions, alliances are experiencing a drought of seriousness, as CWG's pranks dry up any remnants of solemn strategy. Meanwhile, the eastern fronts are bracing for a gale-force wind of whoopee cushions and rubber chickens.

Stay tuned, and remember: when the clowns come marching in, it's best to laugh along or risk getting a pie in the face!"

🎭 Editorial: The Art of War... and Comedy

CWG's return isn't just a nostalgic nod to the past; it's a reminder that even in the midst of virtual warfare, there's room for levity. Their unique blend of strategy and slapstick has reinvigorated the game, proving that sometimes, the best offense is a good punchline.

So, to all the alliances out there: tighten your defenses, sharpen your wit, and keep an eye out for the next custard-filled missile. Because in the world of Earth Empires, the clowns are back, and they're not clowning around.

🎤 Closing Thoughts from Heather Crysania

As the digital dust settles and the laughter echoes across the servers, one thing is clear: CWG has reminded us all that games are meant to be fun. Their return is a testament to the enduring power of humor, even in the most unexpected places.
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This has been Heather Crysania, signing off with a smile and a splatter of whipped cream.

🎬 Stay Tuned to Pie News Network: Where the News is Always a Laughing Matter

*waves a seltzer water flower about wildly*

~picks nose reading~

NGL, i basically scanned your threads to see what all the noise and commotion was about but the quoted portion above does tickle my special place.

I will let my dear Tom Ford wearing, Lexus driving, leader Coalie know that the WAR tag might have some new blood to spar with along side our usual punching bags at M4D.

So glad you’re back. Always enjoyed the relationship we had and knew back up was on the way lol

Congrats!

humbug

Here’s your in-universe news story on Clowns With Guns, fresh off their 2025 revival!

🎙️ Breaking: Clowns With Guns Back in the Spotlight
ANNOUNCER BANKS: “Ladies and gentlemen, tighten your laces—18 fearless souls pledged allegiance to CWG this week. And now, at long last, 7 have arrived—complete with clown shoes and full makeup!”

Scene set:

After years of radio silence, the infamous Clowns With Guns (CWG) have returned, reviving their legacy in Earth Empires Alliance gameplay.

Among the 18 commitments, 7 members showed up primed and ready for deployment, slipping into oversized clown shoes and donning greasepaint, prepared to resurrect the chaos.

BANKS (over radio):

“7 clowns in, 11 to go. The tent is filling—and so is the battlefield. Who’s next?”

🤡 Character Feature: Dark Angel
FIELD REPORTER CRYSANIA brings us a closer look at the CWG’s resident quipster: Dark Angel.

Known as the man with the one-liners, Dark Angel left his mark even before makeup hit his face. He’s the alliance’s Ringmaster and morale officer, turning battle chatter into punchlines.

Crysania caught up with him during a prep session:

Dark Angel: “They told me to bring a weapon. I said, ‘Sure, here’s my squirt flower—if that doesn’t work, there's always pie!’”

Off the battlefield, he’s thoughtful, balancing wit with strategy. Cracking jokes is his shtick; winning fights, his drive. With seven clowns under his lead, Dark Angel’s charm is already turning heads.

🤹‍♀️ The Big Picture
CWG’s resurgence aligns with heightened community momentum across Earth Empires.

Their niche? A bold, humorous spin on alliance warfare—complete with comedic theatrics and tactical depth.

BANKS (signing off):

“With 7 in costume, and 11 still rolling up, the CWG tent’s only halfway set. But if their boots fit—and they’ve got the pies—they’re ready to take center stage.”

🔭 What’s Next?
Cryingania’s full profile on Dark Angel will drop soon—expect deeper insights into his tactical mind and comedic heart.

CWG’s next focus: recruiting the remaining 11, gearing up for their first coordinated in-game show (and war).

Stay tuned—this circus is just getting started, and CWG’s spotlight is brighter than ever.
Reporting for Earth Empires News,
Crysania (field), with play-by-play from Banks, and punchlines by Dark Angel.